Satire
Boris Johnson expecting fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth or maybe even ninth child
Boris Johnson is expecting a third child with his wife, Carrie Symonds, leaving it up to your imagination how many brothers and sisters the child will have.
A spokesperson for the couple said the former prime minister and the current Mrs Johnson were “very pleased” to make the announcement, but remained tight-lipped about how many older siblings it will have.
A family insider told us, “Boris and Carrie are absolutely delighted, though if we’re being honest, Boris is a little unhappy about now being so high-profile he can’t simply pretend this isn’t happening.
“But for so many Boris fans, it’s another example of how he personifies the Conservative belief in family values. Nothing screams it more than an indeterminate number of children from at least three wives and an unknown number of mistresses.
“Yes, I it’s a little ironic to be so into family values given we have no idea how many children Boris has, but is that really all that important?
“You’re going to know about this one, and that’s what really matters.”
Meanwhile, members of the party have been quick to offer their congratulations to Boris and Carrie.
Jacob Rees-Mogg said, “I wish them all the best, and I know a good nanny if they’re interested. At fifty-years-old, I’m almost fully weaned and then I’ll be finished with her.”
However, political experts have said that the new arrival will merely spread the former prime minister even thinner on an already packed Father’s Day.
“It’s another child with which to spend a tiny sliver of time, though given the fact this is one of the public ones, I guess it’ll get a bit more attention than the others.”